he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
