I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
