I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
