While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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