I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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