Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
