oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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