moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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