Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
