just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
