Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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