everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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