Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
