this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
