Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
