My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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