Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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