My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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