Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
