i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
