I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
