So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
