i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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