Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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