I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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