Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
