We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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