jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
