Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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