Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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