put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
