Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
