i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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