Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
