absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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