Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
