i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
