Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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