the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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