Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
