All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
we should paint friendship bongs
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