as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You made out with two different species that night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
