Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
