omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
