She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are my feet made of real feet?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
