I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
