Only a mothe r could love this liver
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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