Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
