I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
