she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't put those talents on a resume
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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