Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
