we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
