god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
