She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
