Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
