There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
